During my time as a Columban missionary priest I have spent Christmas in many different places including the Philippines, China, Ireland and of course here in the United States. One Christmas I remember is with a family who invited me to share in their wigilia. That is Polish for vigil. It refers to the family meal shared on Christmas Eve. For many Polish families, wigilia is the major focus of the Christmas holiday season. The meal traditionally is meatless since the Vigil of Christmas was a day of abstinence in former times. Now many families serve meat but with a meatless entrée to recall the past.
Different families develop their own unique customs to accompany the occasion. A door may be left open to welcome the “guest.” There is the extra place setting at the table for the Child Jesus.
It was obvious to me that this was a special time for the family. There was an air of anticipation from the father of the family to the five-year-old grandchild. There were preparations and last-minute adjustments, not the least of which was making room for the “stranger,” in this case me. A new son-in-law had been added the year before, so it was a bit of a squeeze when we finally sat down.
The most significant moment of the evening came at the beginning of the meal with the sharing of the oplatek (peace wafer). In Catholic tradition, the wafer surfaces deep memories. It reminds us of events in our religious history from manna in the desert through Jesus’ proclamation, “I am the bread of life.” To the Emmaus disciple’s recognition of Jesus in the “breaking of the bread.”
Beginning with the oldest member of the family, each person at the table shared a piece of their wafer with the other. As the family member broke off a piece and presented it to another, he or she looked back over the past year, apologized for any quarrels, bad behavior, slights and omissions, and promised to do better in the future. The spouse, child or parent was also thanked for the care and love given over the year. Clearly, the breaking and giving of the wafer is about forgiveness, reconciliation and thanksgiving all brought on by the “arrival of baby Jesus,” as the youngest expressed it.
There was a healthy mixture of respectful dignity and humor during the various presentations. Once or twice in a lighthearted fashion, a member of the family was reminded of a transgression he or she had forgotten to ask forgiveness for. Some promises for the future were met with rolling eyes from others who it seems were going to have to see it to believe it. My host explained that while she was growing up she was amused at the annual reconciliation between a couple of members of her extended family because experience guaranteed that by New Year’s Day, trouble would have arisen. Yet as she pointed out, intermittent reconciliation is better than none, and next Christmas Eve wasn’t that far away.
She went on to say, I can’t remember ever anyone leaving the table on Christmas Eve not feeling better. It is a wonderful way to celebrate Christmas and look to the New Year. It gives everyone a clean slate, a new beginning.
I have no doubt that this family continues this tradition. Those who remember and continue a family tradition, the center of which is the presence of the newborn Child of Bethlehem are truly fortunate.
I have heard people talk about what they used to do to celebrate the birth of Christ when they were growing up. There is a rich variety of customs among different peoples. Sometimes these customs have been lost or forgotten. Perhaps the best gift we can give our families is to return to them.
Columban Fr. Brendan O’Sullivan lives and works in St. Columbans, Nebraska.